We all communicate all day long, whether to another person by speaking or in our mind to ourselves in the form of thoughts.
Communication is an important tool for us human beings to connect with other people.
Having high-quality good relationships with other people is a major contributor to our happiness and to our health.
The chatter in our minds, on the other hand, influences how we see the world and forms our mindset.
Today ´s post is all about the communication between us and other people.
Conflicts are unavoidable and misunderstandings are happening to all of us on a regular basis.
I believe however that with mindful communication techniques, misunderstandings can be reduced and conflicts can be minimized.
I transformed the information from these resources into 5 easy communication strategies for a mindful life.
SUPPORTIVE BOOKS TO READ
1. SPEAK SOLUTION ORIENTED
The idea behind speaking solution-oriented is based on the fact that our brain apparently is not able to grasp the words no and not.
This means whenever we say something like “ I don´t want”… our brain is automatically eliminating the don´t and just focusing on the rest.
Example: I don´t want you to speak so fast.
Here we focus on the problem instead of the solution and our brain captures “I want you to speak so fast”.
Maybe you already experienced this phenomenon with little kids.
Whenever you said: Don´t do “a certain thing” that they kept on doing it. Maybe you even felt a bit triggered by it and thought that they keep on doing it on purpose just to make you angry.
Apparently, there is a psychological explanation for it and that´s just how our brains work.
Therefore a solution-oriented communication is much more effective.
A solution-oriented approach, in this case, would be:
I want you to speak slowly instead of Don´t speak so fast.
Emphasizing what you wish as an outcome instead of emphasizing the problem is the key to a solution-oriented communication.
2. AVOID THE WORD BUT
The second interesting fact I learned from the psychology podcast is, that it’s better to avoid the word BUT while communicating with others.
We all love to connect with other human beings, that´s just how our nature as human beings is. Every time we place a but into our conversation, we emphasize our separation to them.
It means whatever you say in a sentence before the word “but” is immediately destroyed by the single word “but”.
Example: I love you so much, but I don´t like your new shoes.
In this simple example, the attention of the listener immediately goes to I don´t like your new shoes.
This doesn´t mean that you must always agree with anyone else. There is a great solution for how you can communicate mindfully, expressing your own thoughts and feelings without using the word “but”.
You can simply use the word “and at the same time” instead of using the word “but”.
With “and at the same time” you respect the opinion of the other person and leave space for his/her opinion.
You also express your opinion in a non-separating and connecting way.
Example: I love you so much and at the same time I don´t like your new shoes.
In this case, the focus is still on the I love you and not on the new shoes.
3. AVOID THE WORD MUST
Another great tool for mindful communication is avoiding the word must.
Within our communication AND even though within our thoughts.
The word must put us automatically into a place of dependency and no control.
Whenever we say the word must, we make us much smaller and weaker than we truly are and give away the responsibility for our own choices in life.
When we start to think about it we quickly realize that we almost always have a choice.
Most of the time it´s not a must, but our free choice what we are doing.
Being clear about the fact that we choose certain things in our lives, elevates us automatically to the state of mind that we are the creator of our own lives.
Even thoughts like “I must go to work” & “I must earn money” are just a certain way of how we think.
In reality, we are not forced to go to work and we are not forced to earn money.
We could also live somewhere in the woods without going to work and without earning money.
We simply choose to work and to earn money.
It´s much more helpful to take responsibility for what we create in our lives.
4. Practice NON VIOLENT COMMUNICATION
This is a topic I´m personally interested in for a long time now and still learning about it. I love the idea behind!
The concept of Non-Violent Communication is based on the principle that we engage at eye level and communicate our needs clearly to our conversation partner always in a friendly way.
It´s a compassionate way of communication with respect and without judgment towards the other person and his/her opinions.
I guess this type of communication method needs some practice as most of the communication partners won´t communicate from the same level of mindset.
It also needs a lot of practice to come into this mindset in the first place.
Most of us are used to judge others and most likely are more connected to the ego than to the compassionate thought of oneness.
Although I love meditation and done some silent retreats already in the past I´m not in this peaceful, non-judgemental mindset myself and get sometimes triggered easily.
That´s why I want to read this year the book Judgement Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein.
If you are similar to me it might be interesting for you as well.
5. LEARN THE LOVE LANGUAGES
You might or might not have heard of The 5 Love Languages before.
For me personally, it was a game changer especially in communication with close relationships.
The idea behind the 5 love languages is, that we all have different measurements according to how we measure being appreciated and loved by other people.
Gary Chapman (the author of this book) differentiates between 5 different love languages.
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
This means for someone receiving gifts might be a sign of being appreciated and being loved while for someone else it might be spending quality time together.
Whenever it´s not defined who measures with what kind of measurements misunderstandings and disappointments can arise.
Knowing your own love language and the love language of your significant other can definitely help with mindful communication.
Do you agree that more people should talk to each other in a mindful way?
If so share this post on your favorite social media platform!
What are your best tips for mindful communication? Please share it in the comments below!